Evening Personalities Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Late-night's prominent hosts spent the evening mocking President Donald Trump's just announced immigration program, labeled the "gold card," characterizing it as a obvious cash-for-residency scheme for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Witty Analysis

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical holiday tune directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, checking it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... ruins all he handles."

Colbert's target was the new program which enables foreign individuals to acquire U.S. legal status for the price of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" version for five million. An official website promises approval "with unprecedented speed."

"One thought here to wealthy immigrants: before you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the card is also designed to "get cash" from businesses looking to hire skilled workers, with hefty costs. "That is a lot of fees, however if you register, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The most thorough background check the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these people truly qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow affluent overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the form, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll ratings amid economic anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term because they were upset about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a bid to address cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of grocery items, and reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by targeting right-leaning news arguments of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.